Communication Strategies That Work.

Step 1 in the Pathway Through Conflict is all about keeping your cool, and managing your initial reaction. Step 2 focuses on building communication strategies that guide us towards positive outcomes in conflict resolution.

Step Two: Communicating Through Conflict

The French proverb “Tout comprendre, c’est tout pardonner” can be roughly translated to “To understand all, is to forgive all.” The proverb suggests that the more we understand an individual and their experiences, the easier it becomes to experience empathy, or forgive. And while it’s a lofty goal, when it comes to dispute resolution, the idea has merit. However the question remains: how do we achieve this level of understanding when faced with conflict?

The best tool we have for resolving conflict is communication. Communication helps bridge the gap between individuals or groups who may have different perspectives, priorities, or goals. It assists in clarifying misunderstandings and finding common ground, and negotiating mutually beneficial solutions. To put it simply, communication is the make-or-break point of conflict resolution.

Part 1: How to Communicate Your Position

Effective conversation is a multi-party exercise. We need to be able to communicate our thoughts and feelings, just as much as we need to understand the other side’s. And while we can’t control how the other parties communicate, we do have control over the way we express our needs. The communication strategy we choose can heavily influence how the conversation unfolds: confrontational language and tone may trigger defensive reactions and hinder communication, while a more mindful and deliberate approach opens the door to better resolutions.

Building on the tips in a previous article, below are a few additional suggestions that can help you communicate in a thoughtful manner.

Self-Reflection: Defining the Problem.

Einstein is often credited with saying "If I had an hour to solve a problem, I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions." If we apply Einstein's logic to interpersonal conflicts, he might have spent 55 minutes carefully considering various perspectives of the issue, and only 5 minutes brainstorming potential solutions. His emphasis on clearly defining the problem before attempting to solve it is sound advice. Creating a solution without first clearly defining the problem is putting the cart before the horse: without understanding what you need, it’s almost impossible to know what to ask for. Taking time to reflect enables you to unpack your thoughts and feelings, leading to clearer and more deliberate communication. It also helps in finding a communication strategy that has a better likelihood of success.

Shift to Joint Problem-Solving

Blaming is a natural reaction when things go wrong or when we are faced with a conflict. However, blame often traps us in a negative cycle, where who’s at fault is more important that resolving the problem. To overcome this, it's essential to shift the perspective from blaming to joint problem-solving. It’s hard to argue with Abraham Lincoln who said: “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?” Focus on resolving the issues, not levelling blame.

Use Tone to Your Advantage.

Tone is a crucial aspect of conflict resolution as it can greatly impact the effectiveness of communication and the ability to reach a resolution. A positive and respectful tone can help de-escalate tensions, build trust, and create a safe space for parties to express their needs and concerns. An accusatory tone can create defensiveness, and cause both parties to dig further into their positions.

Avoid Giving Advice

Perhaps counterintuitive, but giving advice, particularly when unsolicited, can prevent effective communication. Even if the advice is well-intentioned, it can be interpreted as dismissive or condescending, and may imply that the other person is incapable of solving their own problems.

As an alternative, ask open-ended question that help the other person explore their own thoughts and feelings. When someone comes up with their own solution, it tends to be more effective and powerful in resolving the issue.

Next week, we take a closer look at what those types of open-ended questions are as we focus on: better understanding the other side.